She has so strongly this sense of letting someone down.
Those people they set her up
so cleverly, without remorse.
She imagines how she will not be spared.
Every night she thinks herself to sleep
cycling through crashing waves
trying to time her entry into those waters,
oiled and milky, stiff apertures
somehow still inviting like a puzzle or a game, but it waits
to enter her and she knows it
lying there awake, replaying her timed failure.